Chapter 87 - The Things They Knew to Say
The conversation went badly.
Lena and I had expected that possibility.
We had not expected quite how quickly the boys would find each other’s most vulnerable places.
Noah began by saying he wanted to try camp on his own.
Nico asked why being together was suddenly a problem.
“It isn’t.”
“Then why did you cross me out?”
“Because I don’t want to do everything with you.”
The room went still.
Noah looked as though he wished he could take the sentence back.
Nico did not give him time.
“You won’t last a night.”
“That’s not true.”
“You’ll want Mama before everybody’s even asleep.”
Noah’s face changed.
Then he said something about Nico needing help whenever instructions were written down.
Lena stood.
“Stop.”
Both boys looked at her.
“You know those things because you trust each other. You may be angry. You may not use them like this.”
Nico pushed back his chair.
“I didn’t want to go anyway.”
He left.
Noah stayed at the table, breathing hard.
Nobody asked him to apologize quickly enough to restore dinner.
We separated for a while.
I found Nico in the garden.
He was pulling grass into small pieces.
“Were you interested in the camp?”
He shrugged.
“That’s a real question.”
“No.”
“Did you tell us?”
“You already put both names down.”
I sat on the step.
“What did you want to do?”
He took a long time to answer.
“Finn’s doing the design workshop at the museum.”
“Would you like that?”
“Yes.”
The word came out angrily.
As though wanting something different had become an admission of defeat.
“Then we can look into it.”
“Now it’ll seem like I’m only doing it because Noah doesn’t want me.”
“Some people might think that.”
He looked up.
“But you’ll know whether you wanted it before today.”
He dropped the grass.
Inside, I could hear Lena speaking quietly with Noah.
For years, we had encouraged the boys to look after each other.
We had celebrated how close they were.
Apparently, we had sometimes made closeness sound like a promise neither was allowed to renegotiate.
That evening, we spoke to them separately.
Both had things to repair.
Both were allowed to want different summers.
Neither had to abandon his choice to prove he loved his brother.
At bedtime, their doors remained closed.
I stood in the hallway longer than necessary.
Then Lena took my hand.
May you like
“Give them tonight.”
We turned out the light and left both doors as they were.
