Chapter 54 - The Bag She Packed Twice
Two weeks before leaving, Ava announced that she might decline.
She said it while carrying a box of donated books through the center.
Lena asked her to put the box down.
Ava did.
Then she began explaining very quickly.
The room she had arranged was smaller than expected. The journey home would cost more than she liked. One of the other trainees already had experience she did not.
Perhaps a year would help.
Perhaps she could apply again.
Lena listened until Ava ran out of reasons.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“All right. What changed?”
Ava stared at the box.
“I spoke to somebody from the program.”
“What did they say?”
“That the first assessment is in the opening month.”
Lena waited.
“She said most people find the beginning difficult.”
“That sounds like useful information.”
“I know.”
“But?”
Ava sat down.
“What if I’m not good enough?”
I arrived at the doorway in time to hear the question.
For a moment, I thought of every reassuring answer available.
You’ll be excellent.
They chose you.
Look how far you’ve come.
I stayed quiet.
Ava saw me.
Then she looked away.
“Everyone keeps saying Dad would be proud.”
Lena moved her chair closer.
“Does that feel like pressure?”
Ava nodded.
“If I fail, it’s like…” She stopped, angry at the sentence. “It’s stupid.”
“Try saying it anyway,” Lena said.
“It’s like I finally got people to believe he wasn’t what they said. Now I have to turn into somebody worth all the trouble.”
My hand tightened against the doorframe.
I stepped into the room.
“Ava.”
She wiped her face.
“I said it was stupid.”
“It isn’t.”
She looked up.
“Your father deserved the truth whether you became an engineer or spent the rest of your life deciding what you wanted.”
Her eyes filled again.
“What happened to him was wrong before you ever walked into this building.”
The room stayed quiet.
Then she said, “I still might be bad at it.”
“Yes,” I answered.
Lena looked at me, then understood.
“You might struggle,” she said. “You might need help. You might decide parts of it aren’t for you.”
“And then what?” Ava asked.
“Then you decide what to do next.”
That evening, Hannah came to collect her.
Before they left, Ava asked whether she could leave a few things in the center’s volunteer cupboard until she knew what fit in her room.
Ruth said yes.
Ava nodded.
The next day, she unpacked her bag.
May you like
Then she packed it again.
This time, she included the work gloves Daniel had given her.
